#30 - Five Important Questions To Ask Your Kids


When you’re raising a family, it’s easy to drift into command & control mode – to talk AT our kids rather than talk WITH them. In this episode, Billy and Joy chat about how to interrupt the lecture habit with a handful of powerful questions.

  1. What do you want to say? This question encourages kids to use their words to describe their emotions.
  2. Did you do your best? This takes the focus off of comparison in order to emphasize effort.
  3. What do YOU think? The beauty of this question is that with younger children you see their imagination, while with the older set you discover their opinions, logic, and planning skills.
  4. What was your role? This may be the toughest question of all because answering this questions means taking responsibility for your actions.
  5. What was your goal? When you ask this question, you’re exploring your child’s hopes, dreams, and disappointments. This question can be a starting point for a greater depth of connection. 

Related(ish) Follow up Points & Links:

Of COURSE there’s a buzzfeed for those “oddly satisfying” things we find in life. Check out one HERE.

Between? Among? Betwixt? Have we inadvertently misnamed this podcast? UGH! 

“It’s not that I’m so smart, but I stay with the questions much longer.” Albert Einstein

Billy references an earlier podcast about child development/stages (Episode #8 ) which you can also find HERE.

If you’re comparing notes on this topic or podcast, talk about these conversation starters:

  • Do we ask enough questions with our kids? Are we talking AT our kids more than WITH them?
  • Given your child’s developmental stage and wiring, what kinds of questions are most effective?
  • How well do I listen to my kids and how can I improve? Think about the amount of quantity and quality of time, the setting and pace of your conversations, the openness, etc.

Also remember…

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Joy PhenixParenting