51 Lies We Tell Ourselves
“The biggest lie I tell myself is that I can just ‘rest’ my eyes a few more minutes.” This was the status updates from one of my hilarious friends a few months back. Now whenever I hit the snooze button, I mentally debate whether the extra seven minutes will help or hurt my morning. Am I lying to myself?
Still, I hit snooze.
I asked a few friends if they practice self-deception on a regular basis; the responses flowed like water and many of them overlapped. So in case you’ve ever felt alone, here are the classic lies.
- I don’t want to cancel the gym membership because I’m going to start going.
- I don’t need help putting sunscreen on my back.
- I will fit into my super skinny jeans again.
- My gas gauge isn’t accurate; I can go farther before filling up.
- I will never complain about hot weather AGAIN (said the entire East Coast after this past winter)!
- I won’t compare my children to other people’s children.
- Not having a car gives me freedom.
- Roller coasters will NEVER give me a headache!
- Bangs are easy to keep up.
- I can get there in “20 minutes.”
- UCLA will make it to the Final Four.
- I bet someone already put paper in the copier.
- Cologne is a good idea.
- I’m going to bed early tonight.
- The candy jar on my desk is for other people.
- No one can hear me complain when I’m in my cube.
- I don’t double dip.
- I’m just going to look up ONE thing on Pinterest.
- I won’t regret eating cake for breakfast.
- My 700-sf apartment isn’t THAT small.
- I’m not addicted to coffee.
- The cleaner must have shrunk these pants!
- Open work spaces are a good idea for everyone regardless of their ADHD level.
- I can go out for a little while, but I’m not going to stay late.
- My car will NEVER have dog hair in it!
- I can trust the office copier to collate properly.
- My gray hair really looks blonde.
- Leggings are the same as pants.
- Selfies aren't self-centered.
- I can go to Target and buy only what’s on my list.
- I won’t fall asleep if I study in bed.
- I can resist the bowl of tortilla chips.
- I won’t check work emails when I’m on vacation
- If it zips, it fits.
- No one will notice if you bring fish to the office for lunch.
- The dog has finally calmed down.
- Those Sesame Street songs are really catchy!
- This year I won’t gorge on Girl Scout Cookies.
- I will get to _______ tomorrow.
- I still look great in mini-skirts.
- No. really, I think the dog has calmed down.
- Ctrl/alt/del will definitely fix this.
- I made enough guacamole.
- Yoga pants are suitable public attire.
- No one cares if I listen to my music without earphones.
- And the cousin to the one above – everyone loves Michael Bolton.
- I won’t buy lunch today because I packed one from home.
- I’m sure I bought enough fruit for the family THIS time.
- This organic deodorant really works!
- THIS time the Legos will stay organized.
- I need these shoes.
There doesn't seem to be a natural stopping point for the deceit! Have I missed any lies you use?