For those of you who read this blog and don’t do social media, #epicfail is a common hashtag people use when they do something of uncommon stupidity, experience extreme bad luck, or just have a colossal personal disaster. The hashtag applies to the guy who can’t control his Lamborghini to the cat who can’t make the jump to a nearby wall -- you know, EPIC kinds of things.

I’ve been known to have a few of these fails, but most days my fails are considerably more dull. Still, it’s the mundane failures and the blasted consistency with which I make them that make me feel as if there should be some new hashtags that we should live under. For instance...

#doghairfail

My purse, pants, and wallet have dog hair IN them. That’s not a typo. The hair is INSIDE all of those places. I have dog hair in my almost-always-zipped change pocket.

How is this possible? It’s like he lays on top of everything!! It's a good thing I love the yellow beast, because the hair is ridiculous.

#seatfail

Apparently the collective weight of Team Phenix is hard on our seats. We dent, tear up, and otherwise seem to destroy everything we sit on.

How does this happen?

It’s a good thing I love my family, destructive bottoms and all, because duct tape ain't cheap.

#gardenfail

Last year was a bountiful year in the hydrangea garden. This year not a single bloom. In fact I barely had any leaves. Some blame the snow.

However, since this seems to happen to me every other year, I have to assume it's operator error.Hopefully the picture effectively conveys a thousand words. (And all of those words are sad!)

#legofail

We sort and organize. We krazy glue and isolate sets. We have buckets and baskets and routinely organize our bricks, but no matter what, they will not be contained. I find pieces in the most random of places: in silverware drawers, on ledges, in shoes, on bookshelves, and, of course, under my bare feet.

Where does all of this ridiculousness originate?

There's something strange afoot!

#phonefail

When you google iphone battery life, 88,600,000 results pop up. It's safe to say lots of people are looking for answers about improving their phone charges. I am in that crowd. However, even with turning off blue tooth, dimming my display, closing my apps, and cutting my phone calls short, I haven't been able to solve my biggest problem: carrying my correct charger.

For the love of communication, can someone please, please, PLEASE build me an app for THAT?

Pretty please?

#sunscreenfail

For some reason, no one in our family can self-apply sunscreen. Old or young. Tall or short. Every single one of us fails at applying our spf evenly.

Half of our team holds college degrees. The other half of the team can play a banjo or guitar. These accomplishments are considerably more challenging than making sure the lotion is spread on the face.

#fruitfail

I buy oodles of fruit every week, particularly bananas, but we never make it to Friday without running out of fruit and busting open a can of mandarin oranges.

Wait a second. I may have figured this one out. I bet they eat through the fresh fruit SO THAT I will serve the oranges.

That's an explanation that makes sense to me.

Thanks for letting me talk this out with you guys. I'm already feeling better.

Forget #Epicfail Because #Everydayfail Wins